I've been at a kind of a crossroads since the beginning of June with my job situation, not knowing which direction that situation was going to take. When I lost the job that I had held at the Grand Forks Air Force Base for the past seven years ( with a three-day notice due to budget cuts), the "game plan" was that I was supposed to just kind of "slide" into another position on the base that would have been a promotion for me. However, things did not turn out that way - not even close to it.
I say this because January 3 of this year - seven months later- the job that I was waiting to "slide" into was also cut.
I literally felt as though I had been wrapped up in government "red tape" several times over. At different points during this time, the tape seemed like it was starting to peel off, but then it would come back with a vengeance and almost choke me on it.
The worst part was that the different directions things were taking with this position were out of my control. I was basically at the mercy of the Federal Government and the people involved in this process to determine what my fate would be regarding this job. I wasn't the one making the decisions about what would happen, and for many of us, not being able have control in our lives can be a tough thing to live with.
It's a long, sordid saga, so I won't go into details about what took place and why I stuck it out for so long waiting for this job, but I will say that when the decision was finally made that the position would be cut, it was actually a relief. I would have liked to have had the job, but being in limbo was worse than temporarily not having an income, which is where I am right at this moment. And for the moment, I am O.K. with that, even though I will miss many of the people who were part of the Base community.
(There was another position that I was offered at the Base, so I wasn't left "high and dry," but I knew that was one road that I would not be taking, so that was an easy decision to make).
I did much more praying this past seven months than I have ever done and I chose to leave as much of it as possible in God's hands. I listened to a good Christian music station both to and from the drive between the base and my home. I needed that for encouragement and to get through the day.
I also give the flood of "97 a lot of credit for putting many things into perspective. No one died in the flood and no one died during these last seven months of turmoil, so I have nothing serious to complain about.
However, I have felt like a basketball, being bounced around both physically and emotionally. I was also dealing with a few health issues. One of these "issues" was having a large cyst removed from my jaw and having my jaws wired shut after the surgery for much of the Summer.
If I had not pretty much decided at the beginning of all of this to at least try and "give it to God," I would have gone nuts. I am not pretending that this whole thing wasn't without turmoil. When things seemed to take a particularly worse turn, I would ask myself "Is God telling me to be patient and trust him," or is he trying to tell me "For crying out loud, girl, take a hint and get out of Dodge!"
About ten years ago, Carly brought something home from her religious class that she was going to toss, but I said that I wanted it. It was a plain white sheet of paper that had a couple of leaves glued to it and it simply said "Be still and know that I am God." Psalm 46:11.
The paper has since gotten faded and the leaves have started to peel off, but I have had this sheet of paper taped to my bedroom mirror and I look at it at least once a day. It usually seems to calm my mood somewhat if I take a minute and think about its significance. (You can tell it's important to me because it's taped right next to a little sticky that Carly also gave me with a funny character on it that says "I'm so happy I could poop! For those of you who know why my daughter would give me something like that, well all I can say is "lucky you!")
Not that I wouldn't take the right job if it came along, but I am choosing to look at this whole experience as a blessing. Maybe everything turned out this way so that I would have an opportunity to do some things that I have always wanted to do. Mainly to have more time for my family and to have a writing career to possibly affect people in positive ways with my words.
Below is a song that has encouraged me many times in the past and still continues to do so. Many of you probably recognize some of the words from the song "Blessings" that Laura Story sings:
'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You're near
And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You're near
And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise
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